Friday 25 December 2009

Christmas, Osama Bin Laden and the Humble Brussels Sprout

When it comes to totally pointless traditions us Brits have surely cornered the market. Morris Dancing, The Queen and the Christmas Day Brussels Sprout are just a smattering of things that we continually humour with seemingly little thought to their merit.

But that's the point of tradition isn't it ? It doesn't need any justification because by its very nature a tradition is something we do without question - that's the way its always done. That's why abolishing the monarchy and the Christmas Day Brussels Sprout is unthinkable - they are part of the idiosyncratic fabric of this little island we call Britannia - they are things that make us, well, us.

That's not to say tradition doesn't occasionally need a face lift ... The Queen has taken to using public transport these days and I could swear there is a hint of purple rinse going on too, but what of revamping the humble sprout ?

Thought of with about as much affection as the smell they produce halfway through the Eastenders Christmas Special the Brussels Sprout only seems to rear its bulbous little head once a year in my house. I don't think its inherently evil as vegetables go but years of systematic torture at the hands of amateur cooks now ranks it alongside Osama Bin Laden as guest least welcome at a dinner party.

For that reason this week I'm resurrecting our little friend with an incredible recipe I put together using wine, herbs, garlic and pine nuts. I'm going to eat them while I watch the Queen's speech today and if the worst comes to the worst, well, I can always blame it on the dog ...

Merry Christmas everyone !

X

P.S. Morris Dancing is deeply sinister and is one tradition we can definitely do without ... ;-)

Sunday 6 December 2009

Einstein, the Exorcist and the Theory of Marmite

Einstein once said “the definition of madness is to try the same thing over and over again in the belief that next time you will get a different result”. If that’s the case then I must be totally off my rocker.

For year’s now I have periodically wandered through my local supermarket believing that one day I will buy a pot of Marmite, take it home and ravage with the same gusto that a libidinous Jack Russell usually takes to its owner’s leg. Not a chance. Last time I ascended on this flight of fancy my head didn’t actually spin 360 degrees but pretty much everything else remained faithful to a scene from The Exorcist.

But I want to like Marmite. I want to like it in the same way that I wanted to like olives and Guinness and beer as a child. As with all of these things its about that mysterious concept of “acquired taste”…but why the hell would we train, nay, force ourselves to like something that initially made our gills go green ? Maybe I am alone on this one but that’s certainly what I did with a number of foods growing up as a child. They just looked good even if my taste buds were telling me quite the opposite. And so I persevered until one day I liked them…and now inexplicably I love them !

I suppose a simple explanation is that we don’t acquire the taste at all, rather our palette matures such that one day we are struck by the gustatory epiphany of actually liking our former nemesis.

With that in mind this week I have decided to make another ascension of my personal Mount Sinai in the hope that I too will see my ethereal pot of burning Marmite. I’m not going to run before I can walk though so rather than eat the stuff in its unadulterated form I’m making Marmite Cheese on Toast with Red Onion Marmalade…

Tell me if you love it…or even if you hate it ;-)

Wednesday 30 September 2009

Thai Food and The King of Culinary Rock...

"I think they're all a bunch of c***s..."

The asterisks may cover the gender of the genitalia in question but one thing is for sure: Keith Floyd was never one to mince his words.

Keith gave this touching reciprocation of affection about his fellow celebrity chefs in his last interview with Keith Allen aired on 14 September 2009. It may not have been his epitaph but given that Keith was to pass away that very same day it resonated as a statement of his approach to, and his effect on, the world of TV cooking.

Now I'm not gonna' lie - I might love cooking but Floyd was actually a generation before me. I knew the name of course but by the time I hit university and was really watching a lot of food TV (what else was I meant to do ? Study ?!) it was the likes of Jamie and Gordon who were beginning to catch my attention. One was Naked and the other was reaching his Boiling Point and both seemed more relevant to me than their predecessors.

But with various tributes about Floyd now appearing in the press and on the television I've discovered not so much the original celebrity chef but perhaps the original rockstar chef. Floyd simply didn't give a rat's arse what people thought of him and whilst Jamie was still in nappies and Gordon barely even simmering he was taking food TV out of the studio and into the wilderness. The notion of Ainsley getting half cut on Can't Cook, Won't Cook is unthinkable but to Floyd the ubiquitous glass of wine was a trademark. I find myself watching his shows with the same nervous anticipation you might expect from an olympic figure skating final: will they win gold or will they end up splayed across the ice ?

To me its the honest, unscripted passion for food that fascinates me about Floyd and its to this that I humbly aspire in my own cooking. I'm not going to over-egg the pudding here - Keith would just tell me to "bloody well get on with it man" so for the uninitiated here are a couple of clips of the great man:

Start with this one - a classic scene where Floyd gets told in no uncertain terms by a French Madame that his food is not up to scratch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfm4en3SC3I

Then the final interview itself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAbnIV2lsQ0

My most recent inspiration was Far Flung Floyd on his travels around Thailand so last week I cooked Thai for a few friends - mussaman curry and the classic moo pad grapow - here's to you Floyd !



Monday 3 August 2009

Designer Thoughtfulness, Italian Food and the Greatest Question of our Time…

There are myriad debates that will rumble on into eternity: The Beatles or The Stones ? Christianity or Islam ? Socialism or Capitalism?

This week I want to tackle the greatest of them all: Fresh Pasta or a New Handbag ?

That Chanel and Bertorelli might not be the most common of bed fellows I will readily concede. Nor could I claim that one is a practical substitute for the other since even the most devout fahionista is unlikely to match their new Jimmy Choos with a sack of durum wheat before they flounce into Cipriani or the like.

No, what I want to get to understand, nay prove, is that something as simple as a quickly thrown together home cooked dinner costing a few quid from the local store is worth far more than any offering from Rodeo Drive.

I happen to be sitting on Rodeo Drive right now. I’m sipping on an organic soy milk frappe-something-or-other witnessing American consumerism in action. And though the constant stream of stick thin perfect 10’s with day-glo dentistry and perma tan legs seem happy with their recent purchases; you just know they secretly yearn for the carbohydrate laden indulgence of a good bowl of penne.

Last week the debate came to a head when I met Lisa and Haley who run London’s elite introduction service Elect Club. Having almost received a mortal head wound from aforesaid Chanel handbag I proposed an experiment on a scale arguably comparable to the Large Hadron Collider – get their male members into the kitchen to prove that fresh pasta could take down Coco’s finest.

So this week’s video is a simple guide to a three course Italian meal that even the most kitchen-averse could handle. And the results of the debate ? Well that’s for you to decide. Guys: what reaction did you get ? Girls: would you really prefer this season’s Louboutin’s to your boyfriend’s seasonal cooking ? We might not solve world peace today but at least we can tick this conundrum off our list…

*** Comments Below - let the debate begin...! ***

Monday 6 July 2009

Culinary Terrorists and the Chorizo Hamburgers...

There are certain seismic events which have the ability to unite the greatest of our gene pool. The Olympics, The G8 summit and of course the Taste of London Food Festival.

A yearly event, "Taste" (as the cognoscenti call it), brings together the great and the good of UK cuisine so that hordes of foodies can queue up to eat their finest offerings from paper plates on plastic garden furniture.

I turned up this year having undergone an entire day of Yom Kippur style fasting to find that something was strangely amiss - sitting on an upturned vegetable crate outside Regent's Park was the one and only Mushroom Man himself, Antonio Carluccio. Further surveillance revealed Michel Roux jnr. pacing moodily around a police car whilst various other tv chefs who I couldn't quite place impatiently twiddled their thumbs. It looked like the culinary version of Edward Hopper's Nighthawks.

As it turns out the denizens of global terror were giving up on Parliament and turning their attention to far bigger targets: Gordon Ramsay at Stall 55E. Speculation was rife as to the source of the terrorist threat but AA Gill and Ainsley Harriet were both in the frame. As it turns out the suspect package was no more threatening than a dirty nappy in a Lidl Bag (or was that a misplaced sous vide concoction a la Blumenthal ?) and after 45 minutes we were in...

All joking aside it was a great chance to check out a whole range of new restaurants and produce - including most notably new egg white in a carton by Two Chicks (more on this another time) and some great chorizo which inspired me to whip up this week's recipe...



Ingredients

500g best quality minced beef
200g shredded chorizo
Half cup of breadcrumbs
1 whole egg
Tablespoon of pine nuts
Ketchup
Dried oregano
Chilli seeds
Salt and pepper
Mild goat's cheese

Method

Firstly prepare to be astounded by your cooking prowess - this one is as easy as finding dirt on a Labour politician.

Put the minced beef, shredded chorizo, egg (sans shell please), a good squeeze of ketchup, and a couple of good pinches of oregano and chilli seeds in a bowl.

Next put your pinenuts in a dry frying pan over a medium high heat and toast them to a golden colour whilst making witty innuendos to your guests about burning your nuts.

Add the pinenuts to the mixture, season with salt and pepper then get your hands dirty to mix it all up. At this stage I always take a teaspoon of the mixture and cook it in the frying pan to check the seasoning. Not enough Ketchup ? Give it another squidge. Flavour of the beef not quite standing out ? Season that bad boy.

Chill the mixture for at least 20 minutes before dusting some flour on the work surface to make your patties. Grab a handful just smaller than a tennis ball and roll it in the flour before giving it a bit of a slap and neatening up the edge.

Now here's he crucial bit - you can fry, grill or barbeque your burger but don't start basking in your prospective culinary glory just yet or you'll end up overcooking it. I would recommend cooking the burger on a medium high heat for a few minutes each side and topping it with some mild goat's cheese for the last couple of minutes. Medium rare is best in my book.

This burger is so damn good that it doesn't need a bap - for the carb inclined though a nice fresh ciabatta is the best option with a simple side salad and a nice cold Budweiser.

Next week I'm planning a fantastic summer dish which first saw the light of day when I shot a pilot show in LA last year so check in with me then.

Enjoy !

x

(P.S. You've got to love Shoreditch House - I am typing this as Sophie Ellis Bextor is standing two metres away preparing to do a live set...wonder what her favourite dinner would be ?)

Saturday 13 June 2009

Ladettes, ladies and dressing for success...

There are some seminal moments in a man’s life…losing his virginity, the birth of his first child (not necessarily connected) and seeing his country win the rugby World Cup. For me it was meeting Rosemary Shrager (www.rosemaryshrager.com) last week in Herefordshire.

I’d been asked by Mr W, my flamboyant and self-professedly fabulous producer friend, to take part in the new series of Australian Ladette to Lady. Picture the scene as eight feral Aussie girls closely related to Ted Bundy are snatched from the Outback and taken to a finishing school in the depths of Herefordshire for 6 weeks in an attempt to ‘lady-fy’ them. We had been drafted in as the so-called cream of English aristocracy (don’t ask) to give the appearance of dignified social interaction, whilst secretly encouraging them all to behave as atrociously as possible on camera. Tonight was to be the dinner party.

Now let me tell you about Rosemary. As one of the country’s most respected chefs Rosemary Shrager was whipping up soufflés while Jamie Oliver’s parents were still in primary school and I was to sit next to her at dinner…

Whilst the Ladettes served us a starter closely reminiscent of wallpaper paste I chatted to Rosemary about all things epicurean when suddenly the penny dropped:

“Wait a second, aren’t you that chap who loves cooking ? Yes ! The producer showed me your Spanish tortilla on the internet – it was rather wonderful !”

Suddenly life just became more complete.

I chatted to Rosemary ten to the dozen for the next two hours (poor lady, she must have been exhausted by the time I shut up) and perhaps only to put a sock in it she suggested we stay in touch and I come along to see one of her new projects….fingers crossed and watch this space – the opportunity of a lifetime awaits !

Anyway, I digress… this week I’ve got a quickie for you – a tasty, tangy little salad dressing with a Spanish twist to go with that sumptuous Spanish Omelette – and me apparently getting carried away with the word “REALLY” (salad dressing can be exciting too you know).

Next week look out for my chorizo and toasted pine nut burgers – perfect for this unusually pleasant English summer !

x

(Incidentally while I've been writing this Claudia Schiffer has been eating breakfast with her husband two tables down - Zoolander Egg White Omelette to be posted soon)



Saturday 16 May 2009

The Hardy Brits and the Tortilla Espanola...

A couple of weeks ago myself and a bunch of friends were chilling out on Parsons Green, London and typical Brits that we are figured that as it was the first day of the year we hadn't seen rain or cloud it had to be BBQ time...

I cooked up this simple tortilla espanola whilst my friend Alex cremated a few sausages... by the time it was ready the temperature outside was cold enough to hang meat but we stuck it out regardless...

Lulu - you asked for the recipe to my tortilla espanola so this one's for you ... ;@) x




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFEXLKS7z3s

Ingredients

1kg potatoes
6 eggs
1 onion
2 peppers (one red, one yellow)
1 handful shredded chorizo
Olive oil
Salt and Pepper

Method

Easy as falling off a log ... first off get around a kilo of potatoes, peel them and slice to look like 5mm thick crisps - try using a mandolin for this to save time but mind your fingers !

Deep fry the potato in batches in vegetable oil until they have browned off and could be eaten immediately. Drain and put to the side.

Meanwhile slice your onion finely and slow cook it with a good glug of olive oil with the lid on - when they have cooked down in their own juices and taste sweet you've made "confit onions" (throw that phrase in when people ask you the ingredients and await appreciative coo-ing noises).

Remove the stalk and seeds from the peppers, slice thinly and fry in a dash of olive oil until browned off slightly.

Add the potatoes, confit onions and peppers to a bowl with the eggs (beaten) then two good pinches of salt and some pepper.

Mash the sweet b'jesus out of the mix until all ingredients are well mixed, heat up a small frying pan really hot with a dash of olive oil then tip the mixture in.

Give the pan a shake and if the whole thing moves its sealed on all sides - turn down the heat to medium-low and cook for four minutes.

Wipe a large plate with olive oil (so it doesn't stick), place this on top of the tortilla and flip the whole thing onto the plate. Slide it back into the pan on the uncooked side, seal it off as before and then cook on a medium-low heat for another four minutes.

Es todo ! Serve with green salad ... simple dressing recipe to follow.

The beginning of the journey...

Ever since I was knee-high to a grasshopper I have been obsessed with food. In the early years it was a pretty basic case of just eating as much of the stuff as possible which inevitably ended up in me being the porkiest kid in kindegarden, but in later life it became more about that magical culinary alchemy known as cooking.

Over the years I've scraped together knowledge from every available source - books, tv and anyone who was willing to pass on their skills ... its a journey in every sense given that one of the greatest inspirations has always been travelling ... whether it be France, Tokyo, Hong Kong or California its always the food that sticks out in my mind.

Nowadays I get invited to a lot of dinner parties - its nice to be invited and of course I always say yes, but nowadays the host always seems to exclaim "Great ! So what are you going to cook ?"

I love it though - food has that unique ability like nothing else to please, inspire and unite - so with that in mind I've started this blog... I always thought the idea of a blog was slightly narcissistic and self-indulgent - I mean who cares what Patrick has to say about anything ?

Well hopefully if you share my passion for food then some of what I have to say will whet your appetite ... for me its actually a practical exercise... I'm forever messing around with recipes only to forget how I've made something so for the most part this blog is an aide memoire (culinaire) .... here's to a journey full of great food and great company at the end of which we arrive sated in every imaginable sense...

:@)